Election, where? Quickly, duck, hide and then pounce.

Greetings from the Gillies fraternity,
Long time no speak.. i know, i have been neglecting to post, sometimes life gets in the way of random ramblings and it really shouldn't. A number of key issues will be addressed and analysed within the confines of this piece. Stick with me, allay your preconceptions and float in to a land of candid thought.
It seems our country is in the midst of another election campaign. Three years have already flown by since the last meat market and we have sped through two opposition leaders and a prime minister. We nearly have a worst record than Japan (not quite). Quite seriously though the issues that matter in this battle seem to be; people on boats, not fisherman or the navy but refugees, health, the climate, Speedos, red hair, fashion, Gillard's marital status and in the last 24 hours,a national disability plan. There also seems to be a problem with a cabinet leaking. When my cabinet leaks i call a plumber. Am i right in thinking that our elected representatives are unable to call plumber? Perhaps the cabinet is in the bedroom or the bathroom in which case a witch doctor or a qualified cabinet maker may be needed. Perhaps get rid of the cabinet altogether, renovate and install cupboards, a wardrobe or purchase some Sealy's no leak to stop the leak, perhaps get Scott Cam to look at the cabinet? All of these are simple answers to a simple problem. In 2013 when the budget returns to surplus maybe the government can invest in new cabinets, although as tax payers are we willing to pay for a new renovation for the pollies? Big issues, big questions.
Is has also been suggested in recent days that Kevin Rudd was the cause of the cabinet leaking, but why would Rudd vandalise a cabinet? We all know he has rather a bad temper (calling the Chinese 'rat fornicators') but would he attack an innocent piece of well constructed wood to the point that it would leak? If so, what with? And is there any evidence he vandalised the cabinet? Perhaps he was attempting to install insulation in the cabinet and it all went terribly wrong in which case Garrett could also be involved in making the cabinet leak. These are pertinent questions of the sort Red Kerry should ask next time a government representative is on the 7.30 Report.
In other, non election based news, a nose has been broken,Yacksie returned from up north with a head and leg injury as a result of a tangle with a goon bag, not a Queenslander and it has been discovered that sea horses have similar eyes to humans. Let us all rejoice in this news and hug one another while singing hallelujah. I will write again soon, perhaps in Polish, but since i don't know any Polish it will probably be once again in English. Here are some things Cocoa has learnt in the last week:

• Noses often hurt after they have come in contact with an elbow (usually someone elses elbow)
• Eating Kranskys with sauerkraut is like eating Tinkerbell mixed with gold dust.
• People are often annoying
• Jameson should be drunk cautiously, especially when around people who are annoying.
• Porridge is ten outta ten.
• Nashi fruit, woowowoowowoowow
• Miami Horror mix tape is like, so cool, yeah, cool as. it's like, so cool my fake, thick rimmed glasses nearly fell off (insert appropriate sarcasm and tone of voice).
  
• cool as cool, banana.
  

Ciao for now, Cocoa

Vermin Art

Heine once quipped “Dort wo man Bücher verbrennt, verbrennt man auch am Ende Menschen”. Clearly he was exaggerating. However, what would he make of this weekends artistic bonfire? One reads in this weekend’s national broadsheets that Saturday witnessed a “Bonfire of the Profanities” as three “artworks” were ceremonially consigned to the flames. The crime: profanity obviously, but profaning against what? Yet more sexualized children? A depiction of Mary Magdalene pissing on Christ? Nay far, far worse. Rather than offend any glimmer of moral order that still shines in this post-(insert preference here) society, the offending works had fallen afoul of a far more odious social order. Art dealers, artists and the judiciary linked hands creating a powerful synergy to smite the dangers posed by forgery to that tender blossom: the fine art market.

While we have been used to both the judiciary and underemployed, village-idiot art critics legitimizing our existence for quite some time now, it is somewhat alarming that they have take to lighting fires again. It seems they are not content simply to hold the bulk of cultural and financial capital, now they must destroy any potential intruder into their lofty realm lest the dementia gets so bad that they increasingly fuck up and buy knock off. That these works were able to get past the gatekeepers and start circulating in the upper echelons belies the obvious: these monkeys can’t tell Krug from Moët let alone begin to conceptualise what art may or may not be.

It also shows all too plainly that this is entirely beside the point. This weekend’s bonfire is simply the upper class equivalent to a steamroller crushing all too many pirated DVDs, although the toffs did serve canapés. Art is no longer of interest as a form of expression to be enjoyed, stimulate thought or constitute some kind of social activity; it is now the preserve of the consumer. Its fundamental interest: certified standing as a tradable commodity. Thus art must be authorized and supervised by an appropriate coterie of legal, professional and economic authorities.

This point couldn’t be made any clearer than in the sentiments offered by one Mr. Lowenstein, whose role in the inferno is unclear, except that he holds power of attorney over the affairs of forgery victim and authorized artist Charles Blackman. Citing a clear win for the forces of order and civilization and channeling Josef Goebbels, Lowenstein claimed “It’s a victory for the artist and it does help to weed out these vermin from our garden”. One wonders what irregularities will captivate their pyromaniac attentions next.

The Colonial

Mumblings, perhaps while dribbling from mouth.

Ello All,
Here is the very first Benevolent Dictators mixtape. It is called Mussolini Music and is for a gig we may have at Mt Hotham at the end of the month. If the Beatles and the Rolling Stones vomited at the same time as an angel crying, it wouldn't sound this good. It must also be said that Mandarins are currently the light of my life . What a great fruit, keep up the good work son. Also seen in a favourable light at the moment are all Bulldogs and Diesel, the dog who lives down the street from our abode. Gold stars to both these outstanding elements of society, life would be harder without you both. On the other side of such important matters are the things seen in an unfavourable light in the last few days. AGL Energy who seems to think it is appropriate to charge our household for electricity and gas. Never have i been more disappointed than when i opened the envelope of out gigantic energy bill. I think some thought and care should be given to your fellow man and the bills be retracted immediately. If not, our household is prepared to pay the outstanding amount with oranges or with three chickens. It has also come to my attention recently that anyone named Kylie is an unsavoury character. Anyone named Kylie must change their name or be tarnished with the large stigma that comes with such an unfortunate name. They will also be punished by way of a soft slap on the back of their hand. Obviously Kylie Minogue is exempt from such a policy due to her oustanding contribution to the development of the leotard. I will write in the near future in a more serious fashion. Topics to be covered are: mobile phone use, eating while on the telephone, eating telephones, telephones eating, Baboons, the benefits of sitting and thinking, and bananas.
There will also be a guest blog from our friendly 'bitsa' down the street, Diesel.
Ciao for now,
Cocoa

http://www.zshare.net/audio/78261605ea122193

The Gillies Institute for Public Policy is proud to announce the Dili Solution.
The Asylum seeker crisis has gone on long enough. Ten years after Tamper the politicians must be dragged from the punchbowl. Asylum seekers are a political resource Australia’s democracy can no longer afford. For ten years now nothing else has been able to get a decent grip on the agenda. Ten years lost wringing our hands over a few fucking boatpeople.
In order to get Australia back on track and give on the path to the ultimate end of a clean hermetic nationhood, we need an Endlosung to this problem. Baudrillard pointed out long ago that third world catastrophes and their refugee byproducts are simply a resource for western societies to exploit just as the west exploits the third world’s natural resources. To us, in raw form, this resource is useless, nay threatening. It must be processed, refined, rendered palatable and useful. We would never accept some shipment of goods holus bolus, without papers or authentication. We cannot start now. The modes and forms of consumer society demands clean, verified goods. As the Apple phenomenon demonstrates clearly, we want shit that arrives in an immaculate box and functions perfectly, immediately. Clearly all this shows asylum seekers themselves are not the problem in this issue, it is only processing that matters now. However, self evidently in the globalised, post-industrialised era Australia is no place to undertake such semi-skilled, low-end rendering.
Clearly this is an issue of exchange which inverts the imaginary construct of flows to and from Australia. The boatpeoples turning up on our shore deliver an incredibly rich primary resource to Australia’s public and politicians, yet this importation flies in the face of common sense. All aspects of Australia’s economy society and mentality are geared precisely for the opposite. We export dirt and import cleanliness. We send filthy ores, woodchips, wool and beef. We receive white-goods, cars, knitwear and suits. How dirty boat people cannot understand this simple trade dynamic is beyond my comprehension, but it seems they will not hear reason. To accept this human refuse and process it here, in Australia would be a regression to the infancy of white Australia. It would be a return to the beginning when clearly we want the end. It would reinstate the convict stain that Australia has spent its entire history as a western nation trying to wash away. We will not return to our beginning as a processing plant for human waste.
Today the Gillies Institute for Public Policy unveils the Dili solution which will address the Australian public’s boat people question. East Timor is declared a special cultural-industrial zone; its purpose is now the refining of peoples. Asylum seekers, malcontents, misfits and undesirables who are a blot on the Asia-Pacific landscape will be herded, registered, marked and shipped forth. Once in Dili, they will be encamped and subject to processes which will refine and clean them. They will be subject to the most stringent quality control processes, approved by no less than Steve Jobs himself. Finally adjudication will take place as to the necessary and productive spaces which may or may not be open to the finished product. The only question left hanging is what to do with the surplus?

The Colonial

A True Artist at Work

I feel I am watching a genius at work as I am engrossed with this video. What grace, what composure, what artistry, what dignity?

Chow Chow Beef

Perhaps it is just age that is influencing my point of view, or perhaps I'm increasingly cranky since cutting down on cigarettes, but the attitude, manners and general ignorance of the slightly younger generation has been pushing my buttons recently. Although i am only the age of 23 I feel the next generation of young people is generally lacking in the aforementioned areas. Many like to appear "cultured", perhaps by carrying a Dostoevsky or Tolstoy novel under their arms while taking part in a discussion on the influence of Facebook on democracy. Such a facade is however just that, a diligently created facade. Such a facade crumbles once you see past their fake, thick rimmed glasses.The basis for an air of sophistication could be seen as involving language, manners and a knowledge of when to keep your mouth shut. What I have endured in the past weeks are people created through image rather than substance. Do not get me wrong, I am not saying that it is just this generation that suffers such flaws, it is seen through all age groups, collectives and religious cults. It is, I feel, more prevalent in the younger generations. Can we blame such things on capitalism? why not?, I for one blame such unsavoury elements on Matt Preston. Firstly because of his cravats, secondly because he makes me feel uncomfortable when he eats. If there was a stage production of Animal Farm he would fit right in. Enough of this lambasting, what is the solution, Cocoa, I hear you ask. I suggest moving back to a 1950s type societal structure and style. Life was good, scotch was great and so were cigarettes, Elizabeth Taylor did not look like a pale leather bag, and style and appearance went hand in hand with substance. Misogyny was a problem but there is always a price to pay. I say we begin such a transition immediately and start by raising a scotch and polishing our vowels.
If you boil the above tirade down to the bare essentials, the answer to society's woes is scotch, cigarettes and three piece suits...wow, now who's being the shallow, ignorant one? eh? well? that's exactly right...Matt Preston.

Cocoa.

le reel

In a society where exceptional amateurism is increasingly the fast track to becoming a person célèbre Australia’s discerning public demands that reality TV step it up a notch. Those fat fucks out there on Australia’s sofas are sick and tired of challenges that aren’t challenges, tears that aren’t tears, food that they can see but not eat. Masterchef is stale on the plate. It’s time, we ready, we need this shit: Mastersurgeon: who will be Australia’s next top surgeon?

Synopsis: A bunch of regular Aussie nobodies with a vague interest in anatomy and biochemistry and a long held, yet never activated desire become a medical god, dispensing life, saving kittens and quietly robbing the medicine cabinet. Follow these muppets on a rollercoaster ride of contrived encounters with modern medicine.

Wanted: Contestants and patients, so generally sick fuckers all round.

Financing requirement: circa 400 grand

Apply to Gillies collective.

Contact person: the Colonial